Windows to the Heart
by JoBelle
Summary: Mac comes over at the end of "Yeah Baby" and she and Harm talk.


Windows to the Heart  
by JoBelle  
jodie@dawsonscreek.zzn.com  
  
  
Disclaimer: Harm & Mac and every1 else from JAG aren't mine and the way 5th season went I REALLY wouldn't wanna lay claim to them!! Mr. Bellisario you own them!! Make them fix it and give us shippiness!!! PLEASE!!!!  
  
Author's notes: This story picks up at the end of Yeah Baby. I have no idea what Harm could and could not see when he was night blind so I'm just making it up here so keep in mind I'm no optician just a second year (barely skating by) biology student. *S*   
  
Harmon Rabb jr. sat on his couch absently plucking out a melody on his guitar strings as he gazed out the window into the darkness that lay beyond. A darkness that was no longer a blind darkness for in the dark he could pick out the street lights shining down below, the twinkle of the tiny strands of lights strung up in the bushes outside the restaurant on the corner. Harm sighed. It wasn't fair! Everyone was mad at him because he wanted to follow his dream. They all seemed to have forgotten that he hadn't decided to quit flying the choice had been made for him!   
  
And now he had a second chance. A second chance to make his dad proud of him. In his mind he knew that his dad would be proud of him if he stayed a lawyer, went back to flying or even joined a rock band and dyed his hair green, but deep inside him, where the five year old Harm still lived it felt like he had to do it. To prove to his dad, to himself, to everyone else that he could be the best again! That he would've still been one of the best had it not been taken away from him so soon.   
  
And yet, he didn't want to leave J.A.G. either. He'd found a home there, a second family. A family that didn't wanna lose him, he realized remembering Mac's words. But it's not like he was going away forever! He'd still see everyone! Sure he'd miss Bud and Harriet and the admiral and even Webb but he'd see them all. 'And Mac, what about her, Harm, aren't you going to miss her?' a voice in his head asked him the image of her face after he'd told her he was leaving popping into his head unbidden. The panic and devastation in her eyes, the way she'd spit out all kinds of arguments while trying not to let him see how much it was hurting her and that had angered him.   
  
He had gotten so mad, at her for not understanding that he wasn't doing this to hurt her, at himself for putting that look in her eyes. The look that she got whenever she was hurting inside and was trying not to show it. He'd seen that look countless times. The first time back on that mountain after she'd killed that poacher who had been about to...Harm stopped his thoughts right there. He didn't even wanna contemplate what that guy had been about to do. Even back then, so early in their partnership he'd felt a strong urge to protect her from things that'd put that look in her eye.   
  
He'd made a vow to himself on the spot that he would do just that, and time and time again he had failed her. Every time that look appeared in her eyes it ate at him a little inside and now he was the one putting it there and he couldn't do anything about it because he couldn't not go back to flying. "I'm such a selfish bastard!" He berated himself out loud, running a hand through his hair dark hair and sighing loudly.   
  
"If I were any kind of friend I'd stay here! She's been through so much this year, lost so much..." He sighed again and shut his mouth, convincing the neighbors he'd gone mad by having this argument with himself out loud would do him no good. Leaning back he rested his head on the top of the couch and closed his eyes. I don't want to go with her mad at me or feeling like I'm abandoning her but how can I make her understand I'm not doing that? He mused. Just then a knock sounded at the door, placing his guitar on the coffee table he got up to answer it. Pulling it open he was surprised to find his partner standing there in civvies.   
  
"Hey," he said stepping back and allowing her entrance.   
"Hi," she replied walking in and standing a few feet away from him as he re-locked his door. She fidgeted with the hem of her sweater until he turned back around to face her. "So what's up?" he queried.   
  
Mac's gaze lifted and she found herself looking into the blue eyes that had a way of piercing straight through all the walls that she had built up around herself, through the tough marine façade that she wore, right through to the heart and soul of her being. Those same blue eyes that she could read like an open book. A fact that had come crashing down on her the other night in her apartment after he'd told her about going back to flying. He'd been so anxious for someone to support his decision and what had she done? She'd shot him down! Acted all selfish. Telling him that it was a bad choice. That he shouldn't go do the one thing that he'd wanted, all his life.   
  
Staring into those eyes all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and beg him to stay, to not abandon her like everyone else in her life had at one time or another. 'Suck it up Marine! You're acting like a spoiled brat!' she berated herself. 'He needs to go do this! Now tell him what you came here to tell him.'   
  
Sarah swallowed hard. "Listen, Harm, I was out of line telling you, you couldn't go back to flying." she began apologetically. "It's an amazing gift that you've been given, a second chance to do the thing you love most is something that doesn't come around very often and I'm happy for you, I truly am." She finished, hoping against hope that her eyes weren't giving away what she was really feeling.   
  
While it was true that she was happy he was getting to do the one thing he loved most in the world she was also devastated that he was leaving 'because he's my best friend and I'll miss him terribly' she emphasized to herself mindful of Chloe's statement.   
  
"Huh?" was his less than eloquent reply.   
Mac smirked. "I'm saying you have my blessing to go out there and be a pilot." she clarified sarcastically trying to inject a tone of levity into the conversation.   
  
Harm's eyes widened considerably, searching hers for some reason for her sudden change of heart and he found it. Just barely visible behind the walls she was rebuilding to protect herself. She understood why he was doing this. She understood and she was setting aside her need for someone to lean on, to support him in his desire to return to the air even though it was killing her inside to be this strong. Feelings of love and tenderness washed through Harm as he read the message in her eyes.   
  
"Oh Sarah." He murmured before pulling her into his arms. She resisted at first, and then her resolve broke down and her own arms came up around him. They clutched each other as if they'd never let go, Mac fighting the sobs that threatened to overtake her body and reduce her to a quivering ball of tears.   
  
They stayed like that for a few minutes, her head buried in his NAVY sweatshirt, his chin resting on top of her silky chestnut locks, before Mac pulled out of the embrace. She sighed as she stepped back knowing that if she continued seeking solace there any longer, she'd inevitably end up crying and pleading with him to stay and acting all Jordan-like, which was very unbecoming.   
  
Harm's hands cupped the back of her head. "It's an incredible gift to be given a second chance at doing something you love, but it's an even more incredible gift finding someone you love." He told her softly with a hint of wonder in his voice during the latter half of his statement. Mac's eyes drifted up from where they'd been intently studying her running shoes to meet his. What she saw there, the love shining back at her out of those crystal blue eyes scared her. Never before in her life had she seen such pure, unconditional love for anyone, certainly not for her.   
  
"Well anyways that's all I wanted to tell you, and I gotta get back home, gotta prepare for that Ardanowski trial next week." She said stepping quickly out of his reach. Harm studied her as she walked towards the door, undecided whether to call out to her or not.   
"Mac!" he cried. She paused at the door, her hand on the knob she turned back to face him a questioning look on her face.   
He hesitated trying to read her face, to judge whether or not she felt the same about him. Finally he chickened out of the risk.   
"If you need help with that case later on you know where I'll be." He said.   
She nodded just a hint of disappointment on her face.   
"I'll catch ya later flyboy."   
"Goodnight Ninja girl." He replied softly as the door closed.   
  
  
  
  
Authors notes: DON"T SHOOT ME FOR THE ENDING!!!!! I just did it to keep in with the rest of Season 4, bring Harm up to the same level of understanding as Mac. So, aside from the cop out ending did you like it? Hate it? Want to yell at me because of it? Tell me at jodie@dawsonscreek.zzn.com  
  
  
P.S. I've got an idea for a sequel (one that WON'T end in a cop out) if you want it you gotta email me and tell me so or else it won't get written! *S*   



End file.
